I feel inspired today to take our conversation about thoughts one step further and show you a simple model for understanding your emotions.
Your thoughts and emotions are a great way to understand your signature patterns and the energies you are emanating into the world. Imagine for a moment hovering above yourself and seeing the emotional pattens in your matrix. Your emotions are creating a certain vibration. Now, in your imagination, take time to view other people's signature patterns such as the Dalai Lama's, your neighbour and your children. (Don't allow judgement or ego to do the viewing - just observe). What differences do you notice?
Everyone emanates a particular energy through their emotions. For instance, when you walk into a room where someone is angry you can feel their 'vibe' and this is different than the 'vibe' of someone joyful.
When are you experience negative emotions pause for a moment and query about the thoughts going through your mind at that moment. Your thoughts are the generator for your emotions. Managing emotions starts with thought awareness. Having conscious knowledge of your thoughts gives you the power over your feelings and emotions.
Ellis A-B-C model gives us clarity on how we upset ourselves about situations in life. For example,
if A = activating event - children are not listening or are misbehaving,
B = beliefs or thoughts - 'they are terrible to me, why don't they listen!'
C = emotional consequences - frustration and yelling.
Whereas if you replaced B with 'How else can I explain this in their language so they better understand?' or 'What is it they are really telling me here?', then C = creating clear communication and perhaps even a joint venture with your children to figure out how things can go more smoothly.
I followed a similar model with my own daughter. Whenever I became frustrated with her actions I made the conscious choice to listen to my thoughts and identify the 'old patterns' (probably from my parents) and changed the way I did things. Doing this made a difference not only to our relationship, but also to how she handles her own emotions. She's fifteen now and we remain close friends.
I encourage you to be diligent and watch your thoughts with care. Use your troublesome emotions as an indicator about your thoughts. When you are feeling frustrated, angry or sad take some time to consider what thoughts you might be having. Change your thoughts to create positive emotions.
You have the power within you to change your life. YOU HAVE THE POWER WITHIN YOU to CHANGE your WORLD. How to deal with emotions is by observing your thoughts.
Carmen, thanks for another great post (and I'm so thrilled that you answered my plea for advice!)
ReplyDeleteI will work on the technique you discussed. I feel as though I already try to be thoughtful in interacting with people (especially with my children), but my biggest issue is that I quickly get discouraged when I adjust my approach and this still doesn't seem to elicit positive results. Obviously, though, I also need to take a step back from the emotional consequence of disappointment! :) It is so hard to come to terms with my own thoughts sometimes... Will stay calm and keep trying :)
:) When you find PEACE within Katriina it is much easier to be mindful. Stay tuned for another interesting blog to BOOST your journey!
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